milky way.

I am reflecting on a moment turned journal entry I had way back in 2012 and sharing some of those feelings that still apply to my life today.

I am currently in the middle of two great adventures: having just returned to the states from Nicaragua and venturing out to Haiti in 2 days. As my heart sits processing the previous trip and anticipating the next, I begin to realize how close to God’s heart are the poor and the weak. It’s 9pm. It’s completely dark. I bring my guitar out to the middle of a soccer field and stare up into the sky. “Is that the Milky Way?” “Ya, I think it is.” The grass is damp with dew and I share my thoughts out loud to the lord. I am smack dab in the middle of God’s plan for my life. Here in Nicaragua, with no one else around, I look up into the sky and my heart expresses His greatness:

God, You are so great! You have created these beautiful stars; every one created for a purpose, each galaxy and each planet, hand-crafted by the one and only Almighty God. Each star sings Your praise and each planet shouts Your glory. And here I am. I feel so tiny and insignificant but You still made me, a unique creature that stands somewhere between 5'3 and 5'4 with a funny laugh and still does not fully grasp the idea of danger. A little creature full of adventure simply longing to scream of the greatness of her Creator in any way possible. Here I sit on this damp field with my heart wide open as I speak out. I begin to relive the steps of my life. During those times in my life, steps that seemed insignificant or even out of place, but now I begin to see their significance. Each step, each “mistake”, each decision placed there by You and used to sing of Your glory! 

Listen up! I want you to hear something! There is a God so powerful that He created galaxies and He also created you and your heart. He created your thoughts and all of those things in your life that you count as mistakes, He wants to use to speak of His glory. He wants to take your scars, your wounds, your hands and your feet and He wants to take those things out unto the world so that His glory is on display. The life we have been given is not so that we can simply live and die but so we can be an empty canvas for God to paint His perfect plan all over. You just have to be willing. Sit as I sit, look up into the heavens and begin to declare His goodness. Then open your heart and speak out loud that you are ready and willing to surrender your life to His plan. No longer do you strive to live for yourself and your desires but you desire His desires. I want you to know that your life is significant when it is in the hands of your Maker who created you and designed you to be a Masterpiece of God’s glory on display for the world to see. I promise His plan is much better than whatever you have in mind for your life.

Psalm 8

Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory 
    in the heavens. 
Through the praise of children and infants
    you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
    to silence the foe and the avenger.
When I consider your heavens, 
    the work of your fingers, 
the moon and the stars, 
    which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
    human beings that you care for them?

You have made them a little lower than the angels
    and crowned them with glory and honor. 
You made them rulers over the works of your hands; 
    you put everything under their feet: 
all flocks and herds, 
    and the animals of the wild, 
the birds in the sky,
    and the fish in the sea, 
    all that swim the paths of the seas.

Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!

I don’t know what my life will look like next year. I don’t even know my very next step but what I do know is that God has made me a masterpiece and has called me to great things. I like to think of life as a painting. When you draw, you erase but when you paint you cover up. You layer. My canvas is by no means complete but it has some paint on it. It is not a neat painting. More abstract, lots of color, but nothing has been erased. I have layers. What may have looked like a mistake has been covered up by a different stroke, maybe a different color, but never erased. 

My favorite lines in the song “Come Thou Fount” goes like this:

Prone to wander Lord I feel it

Prone to leave the God I love

Here’s my heart Lord

Take and seal it

Seal it for thy courts above

I feel like this a lot. I pray because I feel like my heart has a tendency to wander and leave the God I love. I don’t understand how I can be so selfish after all He has done with this little painting. How can I still manage to drift away from His perfection and His goodness? Yet, still I do. So I pray:

Here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above. Seal it for your plan and purpose.

Rachel Fenimore